FD just created a great background for my blog - thanks darling.
And in GREAT news George Clooney has broken up with his Italian girlfriend ....so it is now just a question of time!!!!!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Happiness
I have been thinking about happiness, not sure why in particular. I am mindful of that old chestnut...that if you ask yourself if you are happy you will fail to be so.
I don't think I entirely agree with that perspective. While I think contemplating such things can lead to a deep feeling of dissatisfaction with life I have found it has had the opposite effect. I have come to the conclusion that I am happy. I've asked myself why am I happy and the only conclusion I can come to is because it is underscored by my thankfulness.
I am so thankful that my material needs continue to be met...through my job, and Glenn's life insurance, and I have been able to pay out the mortgage. I am thankful that Lydia and Calvin were in the final year of high school and primary school and had a year to adjust and grieve before they started college and high school. I am extremely thankful that both Lydia and Calvin are old enough to have solid memories of Glenn....and my heart aches for others who are so young they won't remember their Dads. I am thankful that, while imperfect, Glenn was someone who "walked the talk" of what he believed - and the legacy that is for his children. I smile when either of my children do or say things that remind me of Glenn.
I am so thankful for all the messages of support in the immediate aftermath of Glenn's death, and the ongoing support since then. So many people have supported us in word and deed. Glenn always considered himself such a small cog and thought his absence didn't matter but he was so very wrong.
Most of all I am thankful that I can live with the certainty that Glenn , who struggled so much with life, can share in Jesus' glorious triumph over death.
It would be dishonest to say that I don't miss Glenn....of course I do...and I am gutted for Lydia and Calvin. I have days, and moments when his absence feels overwhelming......and that is only to be expected.
But am I miserable.....no.
Am I happy......yes I am.
Life happens (and death happens)
Reddy (or not)
I don't think I entirely agree with that perspective. While I think contemplating such things can lead to a deep feeling of dissatisfaction with life I have found it has had the opposite effect. I have come to the conclusion that I am happy. I've asked myself why am I happy and the only conclusion I can come to is because it is underscored by my thankfulness.
I am so thankful that my material needs continue to be met...through my job, and Glenn's life insurance, and I have been able to pay out the mortgage. I am thankful that Lydia and Calvin were in the final year of high school and primary school and had a year to adjust and grieve before they started college and high school. I am extremely thankful that both Lydia and Calvin are old enough to have solid memories of Glenn....and my heart aches for others who are so young they won't remember their Dads. I am thankful that, while imperfect, Glenn was someone who "walked the talk" of what he believed - and the legacy that is for his children. I smile when either of my children do or say things that remind me of Glenn.
I am so thankful for all the messages of support in the immediate aftermath of Glenn's death, and the ongoing support since then. So many people have supported us in word and deed. Glenn always considered himself such a small cog and thought his absence didn't matter but he was so very wrong.
Most of all I am thankful that I can live with the certainty that Glenn , who struggled so much with life, can share in Jesus' glorious triumph over death.
It would be dishonest to say that I don't miss Glenn....of course I do...and I am gutted for Lydia and Calvin. I have days, and moments when his absence feels overwhelming......and that is only to be expected.
But am I miserable.....no.
Am I happy......yes I am.
Life happens (and death happens)
Reddy (or not)
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Bad News
The news today is full of stories about carbon tax.....and if the sky will fall in if we do/do not go ahead with putting a price on carbon, the multi trillion dollar US deficit, and what seems to be a triple homicide/suicide in southern Queensland/northern NSW, and the continuing conflict in Libya and Syria.
Closer to home I've found out that a friend has cancer, and some other friends had their house burgled.....
What is the right response when bad things happen? Sometimes I get really angry about the injustice - "it isn't fair - they didn't deserve this'. Sometimes I feel really sad about the way people suffer. Both of those responses are justified in some instances.
What bothers me is when I fail to respond, or respond with complete indifference. Why should I feel (justifiably) angry about my friends' house being burgled but not be disturbed by the deaths of people in Syria and Libya?
Why are we horrified by the death of a five year old in northern NSW, but not disturbed by preventable child deaths that happen every day in many countries.
Is it right that I should be upset about my friend's cancer diagnosis (yes) but not upset by the the treatment of cancer patients in the Ukraine (severe restrictions on morphine usage).
And in the light of all this do we agree with Stephen Hawkins assessment that there is no heaven? No place where justice prevails, where the wrongs will be righted?
I don't agree with him. If my brain is just a giant computer why do I feel anger and sadness about things that happen to other people, both friends and strangers?
Life happens (and death happens)
Reddy (or Not)
Closer to home I've found out that a friend has cancer, and some other friends had their house burgled.....
What is the right response when bad things happen? Sometimes I get really angry about the injustice - "it isn't fair - they didn't deserve this'. Sometimes I feel really sad about the way people suffer. Both of those responses are justified in some instances.
What bothers me is when I fail to respond, or respond with complete indifference. Why should I feel (justifiably) angry about my friends' house being burgled but not be disturbed by the deaths of people in Syria and Libya?
Why are we horrified by the death of a five year old in northern NSW, but not disturbed by preventable child deaths that happen every day in many countries.
Is it right that I should be upset about my friend's cancer diagnosis (yes) but not upset by the the treatment of cancer patients in the Ukraine (severe restrictions on morphine usage).
And in the light of all this do we agree with Stephen Hawkins assessment that there is no heaven? No place where justice prevails, where the wrongs will be righted?
I don't agree with him. If my brain is just a giant computer why do I feel anger and sadness about things that happen to other people, both friends and strangers?
Life happens (and death happens)
Reddy (or Not)
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Weddings
I suspect 2011 will be remembered as the year Kate and Wills got married.....but in my family there will be another wedding to remember. My brother is getting married on Saturday.
Strangely enough his wedding comes 30 years after my sister's wedding (and another royal wedding), and 20 years after my wedding. Neither my sister nor I will have the men we married at the wedding. My sister's marriage ended in divorce, and mine ended when Glenn died.
My mother will be there with her husband....but he is not our father.
While I am looking forward to the wedding it will almost inevitably be tinged with a degree of regret. Regret that Glenn isn't there but mostly regret that our father did not live long enough to see his children married.
I suspect last Friday was tinged with regret for William.......because his mother wasn't there.
Life happens (and death happens)
Reddy (or not)
Strangely enough his wedding comes 30 years after my sister's wedding (and another royal wedding), and 20 years after my wedding. Neither my sister nor I will have the men we married at the wedding. My sister's marriage ended in divorce, and mine ended when Glenn died.
My mother will be there with her husband....but he is not our father.
While I am looking forward to the wedding it will almost inevitably be tinged with a degree of regret. Regret that Glenn isn't there but mostly regret that our father did not live long enough to see his children married.
I suspect last Friday was tinged with regret for William.......because his mother wasn't there.
Life happens (and death happens)
Reddy (or not)
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Family
I suspect my extended family is like most other peoples.......you have more in common with some members and less with others....some members you like...and others not so much..........and it isn't static. The dynamics and the relationships change over time as the individuals and the circumstances change.
The extended family can be a place to share the slings and arrows of life (or may be the source of the slings and arrows).
I have been thinking about family, and family dynamics, a lot lately. For the last week both Favourite Daughter and No 1 Son have been away. I had 5 days when I was "home alone" and it felt very strange.
No 1 Son has returned but FD is away until the end of the week so it is still not the usual dynamic.
This week Glenn's younger (and less handsome) brother, his wife, and their kids are in town. Glenn and his brother were very close, and his wife is a friend of mine (from before I knew Glenn). So the relationship between us is a positive one. Perhaps that explains why I find spending time with them a two edged sword. Glenn's absence is like an elephant in the room because he was the prism through which my relationship with them was focused. Perhaps I am like an elephant in the room to them because I was Glenn's wife and the mother of Glenn's children.
So spending time with them is enjoyable but painful because there is now a gaping hole where Glenn once stood and their physical presence forces me to focus on his absence.
Life happens (and death happens)
Reddy (or Not)
The extended family can be a place to share the slings and arrows of life (or may be the source of the slings and arrows).
I have been thinking about family, and family dynamics, a lot lately. For the last week both Favourite Daughter and No 1 Son have been away. I had 5 days when I was "home alone" and it felt very strange.
No 1 Son has returned but FD is away until the end of the week so it is still not the usual dynamic.
This week Glenn's younger (and less handsome) brother, his wife, and their kids are in town. Glenn and his brother were very close, and his wife is a friend of mine (from before I knew Glenn). So the relationship between us is a positive one. Perhaps that explains why I find spending time with them a two edged sword. Glenn's absence is like an elephant in the room because he was the prism through which my relationship with them was focused. Perhaps I am like an elephant in the room to them because I was Glenn's wife and the mother of Glenn's children.
So spending time with them is enjoyable but painful because there is now a gaping hole where Glenn once stood and their physical presence forces me to focus on his absence.
Life happens (and death happens)
Reddy (or Not)
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
advice
A long time ago a friend told me that I was great at giving other people advice but not good at solving my own problems (giving myself advice). I wonder is that true of everyone or are some of us better at backing our own choices?
I can't vouch for other people but i suspect in my own case it has something to do with confidence and consequences. I can be confident in my judgements about other peoples issues - I may not always be right (not even close) but I can look at the problem rationally, consider different angles, ask the "what is the worst thing that could happen if you took this action" question. It might sound boastful but I would ask me for advice.
So why is it that when it comes to my own issues - I don't ask myself "what should I do"? Perhaps more truthfully I do ask myself but I don't have confidence in my own judgements. Maybe it's because with other people you advise but they then make the choices (and suffer the consequences - good or bad). Whatever advice I give myself the consequences fall back on me and mine. Is this fear or just wisdom and caution?
Funnily enough I recall being more gung ho when i was younger. I remember making some choices, and taking some actions, at university that I would never repeat now (nothing illegal or shocking - just gutsier choices).
In this regard perhaps, G and I were not a good match. For much of the time I knew him G's depression was coupled with very low self esteem. Coupled with my naturally risk averse nature and a mutual tendency to procrastinate we were not good at making big decisions (there are those of you who doubted we would ever move to/build a new house). When I think about all the big decisions we did make nothing terrible happened. I suspect it was the millions of little decisions we made or didn't make that proved (and will prove) to be more consequential.
Right now I am in a position where I need to make some major choices. Nobody else can make these choices and I can't put it off. Time to listen to my own advice - time to be confident in my decisions and to realise that I only have a limited degree of control regarding the consequences.
Life happens (and death happens)
Reddy (or Not)
I can't vouch for other people but i suspect in my own case it has something to do with confidence and consequences. I can be confident in my judgements about other peoples issues - I may not always be right (not even close) but I can look at the problem rationally, consider different angles, ask the "what is the worst thing that could happen if you took this action" question. It might sound boastful but I would ask me for advice.
So why is it that when it comes to my own issues - I don't ask myself "what should I do"? Perhaps more truthfully I do ask myself but I don't have confidence in my own judgements. Maybe it's because with other people you advise but they then make the choices (and suffer the consequences - good or bad). Whatever advice I give myself the consequences fall back on me and mine. Is this fear or just wisdom and caution?
Funnily enough I recall being more gung ho when i was younger. I remember making some choices, and taking some actions, at university that I would never repeat now (nothing illegal or shocking - just gutsier choices).
In this regard perhaps, G and I were not a good match. For much of the time I knew him G's depression was coupled with very low self esteem. Coupled with my naturally risk averse nature and a mutual tendency to procrastinate we were not good at making big decisions (there are those of you who doubted we would ever move to/build a new house). When I think about all the big decisions we did make nothing terrible happened. I suspect it was the millions of little decisions we made or didn't make that proved (and will prove) to be more consequential.
Right now I am in a position where I need to make some major choices. Nobody else can make these choices and I can't put it off. Time to listen to my own advice - time to be confident in my decisions and to realise that I only have a limited degree of control regarding the consequences.
Life happens (and death happens)
Reddy (or Not)
Monday, September 20, 2010
Changing perceptions
When I was growing up I remember being in awe of people who had university degrees, especially PhDs.
Then I went to university and met some people who had PhDs - and my perspective changed. While a degree takes some level of intelligence it wasn't as lofty an achievement as I had thought.
When I was single I longed to me married. Then I got married. I loved G and he had many great qualities but being married to someone who is suffering from chronic depression is not easy.
I remember my Grandmother giving me $10 and thinking I was rich. When I was at uni I remember waiting until my Austudy benefit was paid and getting $20 from the auto teller and feeling very flush. When G and I bought our first house we paid $154,000 and I thought it was a fortune. A similar house 2 doors up recently sold for $600,000.
While I am extremely thankful for life insurance having the money does not make me rich, but not having G impoverishes me, and definitely makes FD and No 1 Son poorer.
Life happens (and death happens)
Reddy (or Not)
Then I went to university and met some people who had PhDs - and my perspective changed. While a degree takes some level of intelligence it wasn't as lofty an achievement as I had thought.
When I was single I longed to me married. Then I got married. I loved G and he had many great qualities but being married to someone who is suffering from chronic depression is not easy.
I remember my Grandmother giving me $10 and thinking I was rich. When I was at uni I remember waiting until my Austudy benefit was paid and getting $20 from the auto teller and feeling very flush. When G and I bought our first house we paid $154,000 and I thought it was a fortune. A similar house 2 doors up recently sold for $600,000.
While I am extremely thankful for life insurance having the money does not make me rich, but not having G impoverishes me, and definitely makes FD and No 1 Son poorer.
Life happens (and death happens)
Reddy (or Not)
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