Tuesday, September 21, 2010


A long time ago a friend told me that I was great at giving other people advice but not good at solving my own problems (giving myself advice). I wonder is that true of everyone or are some of us better at backing our own choices?

I can't vouch for other people but i suspect in my own case it has something to do with confidence and consequences. I can be confident in my judgements about other peoples issues - I may not always be right (not even close) but I can look at the problem rationally, consider different angles, ask the "what is the worst thing that could happen if you took this action" question. It might sound boastful but I would ask me for advice.

So why is it that when it comes to my own issues - I don't ask myself "what should I do"? Perhaps more truthfully I do ask myself but I don't have confidence in my own judgements. Maybe it's because with other people you advise but they then make the choices (and suffer the consequences - good or bad). Whatever advice I give myself the consequences fall back on me and mine. Is this fear or just wisdom and caution?
Funnily enough I recall being more gung ho when i was younger. I remember making some choices, and taking some actions, at university that I would never repeat now (nothing illegal or shocking - just gutsier choices).

In this regard perhaps, G and I were not a good match. For much of the time I knew him G's depression was coupled with very low self esteem. Coupled with my naturally risk averse nature and a mutual tendency to procrastinate we were not good at making big decisions (there are those of you who doubted we would ever move to/build a new house). When I think about all the big decisions we did make nothing terrible happened. I suspect it was the millions of little decisions we made or didn't make that proved (and will prove) to be more consequential.

Right now I am in a position where I need to make some major choices. Nobody else can make these choices and I can't put it off. Time to listen to my own advice - time to be confident in my decisions and to realise that I only have a limited degree of control regarding the consequences.

Life happens (and death happens)

Reddy (or Not)

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